||[May. 7th, 2006|10:50 pm]
We Must Be Perfect
i cut out an ad from the newspaper that adertised a ladies gym, and classes that combined pilates, yoga, and exotic dancing. i left the ad on my bathroom counter. mom found it. she got really sad and mad and upset.
things did not go well.
she was upset because she doesnt understand why i need to act so sexual or whatever.
like why cant i just find some other form of exercise
but like all i did was cut out the ad, i didnt even do anything. and even if i did it, it was just for the exercise. like poledancing is supposed to be really good for toning and abs and its supposed to build your confidence and self esteem which i need.
and she was like "yes im sure women do it for the exercise. but most do it for the sex and attention". but like...if that were the case with me, whats wrong with it anyways
and my mom was like "so whats next? videotaping sex? threesomes?" nd im like "....what? how do you get all that?" and she said that none of these thi9ngs have to do with love.
but like...sex is more than love. its a physical activity that includes foreplay, which never can be too spiced up, so who cares right.
im not slutty, i dont sleep around, i'll only sleep with somebody i love, and im not going to be s stripper i hate strip clubs, bu8t its a good exercise but whatever, its not like i'd have enough confidenceto go to one of their classes,
i was just thinking about it. all i did was cut out a piece of paper.
and she said that im so differnt and overtly sexual and too loud and brazen since ive begun dating bobby and she doesnt like it
i just want her to be proud of me. but i dont want to not do things i want to do or feel that is right because she doesnt like it.
but then i feel like i have no respect for her feelings, even though i do.
ive been crying all fucking day. i dont know what to do.
this morning, after i founf the note taped to my bathroom mirror, i talked to bobby about it. he told me that i have to learn to stand up to my mom (lovisa knows a little about my spineless ways lol). i mean, im 19 years old.
but she said that i'd never spoken up like this before and explained myself, and told her to just talk to me instead of acting chilish and taping the ad to my bathroom mirror. she said i had no right to talk to her like that.
she said it was so uncharacteristic of me, she knew bobby had helped me and gave me advice. she is so angry with him.